It is a melancholy object spectacle to those, who walk through this great town Canadian cities,
or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads homeless shelters, and
cabin doors old age homes crowded with beggars government benefits dependants of the female two sexes, followed by three,
four, one or six two pet dogs, all in rags second-hand shop hand-me-downs, and importuning every passenger for
an alms handout. These mothers seniors, instead of being able to enjoy their retirement work for their honest
livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg
sustenance for from the public or their helpless infants struggling working children, or in low-paid menial jobs; ... who, as they grow up get older, either turn
thieves benefits cheats, for want of work grocery money or leave their dear native country senses to fight vote for the pretender in Spain Ottawa, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes PornHub.
I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number
of children old people in grabbing at the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their
mothers daughters, and frequently of their fathers sons is, in the present deplorable
state of the kingdom, a very great additional grievance; and therefore
whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these
children parents sound useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the publick, as to have his statue set up (in place of that cancelled founding Prime Minister of Canada) for a preserver of the nation.
But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only
for the children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater extent,
and shall take in the whole number of infants adults at a certain age, who are
born of parents in effect as little able to support them, as those who
demand our charity in the streets.
As to my own part, having turned my thoughts written for many years upon
this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of our
projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their
computation. It is true, a child person just dropped from its dam employer may be
supported by her/his milk savings for a solar year, with little other nourishment income. It is exactly at one 66 years old that I
propose to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead of being a
charge upon their parents children, or the parish state, or wanting food and raiment
for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to
the feeding, and partly to the clothing well-being of many thousands millions.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.
The authorities, having in their wisdom determined that ending life is an honourable, sensible and even laudable action, not merely before it has properly started, but additionally at any time and age before natural causes bring about this inevitable final event and taking into account the considered and wise opinion of the better class members of society who have carefully deliberated these matters over many years in Davos that there are far too many humans on the earth with consequent mounting damage to our dear mother earth, rapid and decisive action suggests itself imperatively.
I grant that our wise and beneficent national government has with great foresight installed a very active and successful policy to assist people to die whenever the fancy strikes them. Indeed we observe its success with the rapidly growing numbers of casualties right across this bountiful but over-populated land. Reports from the far-flung corners of Canada bring news of the enthusiasm with which the undertaking is being encouraged to all and sundry by the diligent public employees we are all so fortunate to have in our service. Sadly, the fundamental idea is correct but requires a minor adjustment to achieve the perfection that the most intelligent minds can discern.
I shall return to my proposal shortly but I beg the reader's indulgence to detour through a significant problem for older people that this proposal resolves most satisfactorily. I speak of retirement income and the problem for most private individuals who do not work in the public service, for whom this problem does not exist due to their perpetual inflation-matching pensions, that one cannot know if money will run out before one dies and how much to spend each year in consequence. This pernicious and mentally debilitating guessing game leads many to constrain their spending and restrict their enjoyment of life after retirement. I am confident the reader would agree that no one would deny that this situation needs to be addressed. Millions of Canadians facing this Gordian knot will be eternally grateful for a practical, effective solution, particularly if it costs them nothing.
By now, the astute reader may have divined the essence of my modest proposal, which is none other than to make the MAID program mandatory at age 66.
The brilliance of this scheme becomes apparent on examining the multitude of its benefits and the absence of disadvantages.
First, consider the public good. There is consensus - 97% of scientists agree - that the world human population is unsustainably high. Survival of the planet requires a cull of humans, though morality dictates this must be done humanely according to strict principles of equity and fairness. A fringe minority of malcontents might object that they wish to opt out but how can we tolerate such people when the fate of the planet is at stake and the overwhelming majority supports the view that over-population is an existential threat. MAID+ will significantly contribute to fighting climate change.
In any case, well-crafted blanket positive messaging, with the central idea of "do your bit as a citizen", along with monetary incentive programs, for example a $50,000 cash bonus paid at age 65 to fund an enjoyable final year of life, would get people on board such that opposition would be sufficiently marginalised as to be of no consequence.
Fairness is ensured automatically by the proposed rule that everyone reaching age 66 is subject to what we modestly shall call MAID+. Equity is ensured as well when we recognize that the bulk of people who will be affected, at least in the initial ramping up period, are the coddled old toxic white population. These same old people do not work and do not contribute economically to society. They merely consume vastly disproportionate resources of the medical system. Fewer people also means less carbon emissions, an existential threat to the planet, not merely by their use of fossils fueling their lifestyle, but also from the mere breathing out of CO2. The 20th century witnessed a number of brutal messy pilot projects for the mass culling of humans. The public need not worry. Carrying out MAID+ gently and humanely is ensured by the advances in medical technology that now provide society with utterly painless and instantaneous cessation of life, as amply demonstrated by the growing success of MAID.
We note that the historical injustice that the early recipients of Canada Pension Plan have been receiving much more than their fair share at the expense of younger generations will be corrected. The free riders will be gone. MAID+ will enhance social equity and peace.
The effect on public finances, recently endangered by ballooning federal debt, will be massively beneficial during the initial transition period of the policy. Consider that upon death all a person's assets are considered to have been sold from a tax viewpoint and capital gains become payable. All registered savings plans are deemed to be liquidated and the money taken into income. Those billions of immediate taxes will eliminate the deficit and balance the budget, as the Prime Minister himself presciently predicted some years ago. Readers may be assured that the Prime Minister has not contributed to this modest proposal though some may harbour suspicions.
In addition, consider the inevitable massive savings to healthcare spending by the elimination of a population that occasions a hugely disproportionate share of provincial medical budgets as bodies and minds deteriorate.
Next, consider the individual's perspective. The enormous intractable financial planning problem of how many years to plan and how much to set aside for retirement income is instantly resolved. It's exactly one year after 65. Financial planning becomes easy, alleviating the individual's worry altogether. All the intricate legal arrangements can be planned and carried out precisely at the right time. Whether it is to have a blow-out party year to spend it all living like the King, the Prime Minister or the Governor General, or to set aside money for children and grand-children, all the corrosive uncertainty disappears. The pernicious long term erosion of spending power by the recent high inflation disappears as well. Children will be freed both from the concern that mum and dad will either foolishly fritter away their inheritance or that they will become a financial burden. MAID+ will improve relations between seniors and their adult children.
All an individual's worries about declining physical and mental health as he or she ages will instantly vanish. The dreary years of diminishing capacity and debilitating chronic diseases will be gone. Human suffering will be much reduced, an undeniable benefit. Children will be freed from the significant time and monetary burden of caring for elderly parents and be able instead to be more productive for the nation's economy.
After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to reject any
offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap,
easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in
contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or
authors will be pleased maturely to consider, as things now
stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for millions of useless mouths and backs.
I profess in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal
interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive
than the publick good of my country, by advancing our trade economy and public finances, providing for infants seniors, relieving the poor, helping to save the planet and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no
children living parents, by which I can propose to get inherit a single penny; the youngest being nine
years old, and my wife past child-bearing and, my modest proposal being adopted, my residence will be relocated to another country, having attained 66 years and being desirous of saving the government the cost of MAID+ for myself.
Published this Father's Day 2024 in memory of my father who passed away a few years ago at the age of 96 years 359 days having fought for every second of life.
This text is my creation only in keeping with the principles of Harvard's Claudine Gay school of scholarship. To forestall accusations of plagiarism, any resemblance to any writings of Jonathan Swift are purely accidental.
PS I fear this post is too close to the truth to be proper satire. cf https://www.conservativewoman.co.uk/horrific-rise-of-canadas-euthanasia-industry-is-a-warning-to-us-all/
